Chapter VII

Chapter VII

I have been calm for far too long.

I am always the anchor, the healer, the listener, the warmth until now. I am turning into a manic due to the neglect I’ve given myself to keep others warm. I received no clarity, to thoughts, nor compassion for my emotions. If I do not remain calm, I am the villain. If I am unable to attend to your wounds, I am a disappointment. It wasn’t until these past few days, where I put my hands on my head and felt the eruption of my heart. Realizing I, too, deserve peace.

But sometimes for peace, you need to release the animosity. As I screamed upon my pillow and fisted my fist, I felt my spirit weep. In splits moments, I wanted to seek retribution. For once, I was not a calm, warm, compassionate, understanding soul. I was angry and hurt. I felt replaced, forgotten, and used. I wanted to tear apart my skin, wishing I could howl with the moon, and wake up with blood from my enemies. If only I could become heartless, then maybe I’d be okay at being selfish without feeling guilty.

I am undeniably sobbing, licking my wounds, realizing as hard as I try to be the werewolf, I am only the monster who avenged for love.

And as the Green giant hoped for peace, I too hope one day the sorrows of love will be worth it. Till then, I will be at the top of a Windmill, looking down at the pitchforks.

After all, in the end, I am nothing more than the monster with a broken heart.


Today, I wrestled with maniac thoughts wondering why Love continually feels to be touched by unclean hands. I always embraced Love openly, poetically, yet strategically as if everyone was each a star, colliding together. But if Love was more significant than the stars, I envisioned us to love like the moon. A moon that still shined bright every night, regardless of the number of craters and volcanic plains it has. But if Love was more abundant than the moon and stars, I pictured Love to be where it all began.

I hear Love every morning, by the sounds of birds chirping. I see Love every day, when newly planted flowers, blooms, and dances with the wind. I breathe Love in, with wet pavement after a rainstorm. All this time, I felt unclean by hands who made Love feel insignificant when that never was Love at all. Instead, I saw my reflection in a lake, and at that moment, I let Love consume me, the same way the sun needs the moon, and the stars need the sky. I realized just as the Earth is solely one planet; I am too single-handily me. I am Love because as long as my heart is beating, my life is vast with endless possibilities.

I let go of the hands that felt like sandpaper and began to love myself, starting with everything I hated about myself. You see, all this time, I thought Love only was felt by people, blinded folded by the media portray of finding true Love. Instead, I realized all the Love I need is continuously surrounding me. It was in these brief moments of tears when I collapsed into a field of grass and felt alive for the very first time.

Now that’s where it all begins. It begins with you.

Dear anonymous

I’m spilling over

With incomplete sentences

Of a heart filled with bullet-holes

I thought I had crossed my T’s

And dotted my I’s

Till I went to bed broken

Unable to wake up brand new

I want to be able to say

We are going to get through all of this

That I can’t sleep

without you by my side

Yet here I am


Being a villain in my own monologue

I had cried that night wanting compassion

I woke up someone different

Dead hearts who still whisper I love you

I hallowed out the eyes

Where love

Caused Corrosion in my veins

I skimmed the fat

Of clogged hearts

Hoping to digest a love

Grown organically

Instead of being drowned

By the pesticides of our generation

I filled my mind

With smoke

Of metaphors

Of how I tasted Love

Till It burned my mind

But I come undone

Unraveling in

soaked blood sheets

Of hundreds of hearts

Washed up onto my pillowcases

Despite feeling numb

Every time Love

Touches my lips

My mouth burns

realizing I believed in love

Meant for another life


it all comes undone

Eventually everyone settles over dead hearts

In this smoke filled room

– Rebecca


Thanks, for leaving

Thank you for walking out of my life.. ✌🏼

Since you’ve been gone

I’ve had opportunities

Open from the door you’ve closed

I moved the time

I focused on you

Onto myself

So thank you

For reminding me

I am a lot stronger than I think..

losing you

Reminded me I’m still capable of

Healing from tough situations


I’ve heard your cries

Of you wanting more

Than what life has given you

But you’re Searching for harmony

With a mindset full of doubts and agony

Unable to recongize

The power of healing

Comes from the mind

Choosing hope rather than suffering

Choosing strength rather than loss

Choosing to believe You are never too old nor too late

To create a beautiful life